Turning Things Around

Ok, for those of you that know me this may sound a bit whiny and pathetic but here goes...

For the last year I have been getting more and more depressed about my own personal body image.  I am not what you would call fat, and I think that is a large part of my problem.  Let me explain...

Since college I have not had a steady work out routine.  When you are working 12 hour days seven days a week for 4 months straight you have little motivation to hit the gym at midnight when you finish work for the day. Prior to this I had been a regular athlete.  In high school I was a three season athlete... WHAT HAPPENED TO ME??  I have dabbled in going to the gym, boot camps, tried to get into running... nothing has seemed to stick.  Going from working on a ship with crazy hours and non stop activity to an office job was a HUGE adjustment.  This happened just after my wedding when my wait was down to about what I was in high school.  Suddenly I am sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day and driving an hour each way back and forth to work.  I spiraled down pretty quickly.  I gained about 10 pounds that year (+/- 5).

I also LOVE food! I love to cook, try new things, and celebrate with food all of the time!  I never had to pay much attention to the types of food I was eating or how much.  I said before, I'm not hugely overweight... but I have been slowly gaining since college and I want that trend to STOP!

Talking with some amazing friends who are also taking steps to revamp their health and fitness world I decided to also try a few tests.  I'm a cheese fiend!  I eat, sleep, and breath cheese some days! Learning that this could potentially be causing the awful acne breakouts on my chin was enough to stop eating it for a week or so.  Now don't get me wrong, like my friend I'm not willing to completely give up cheese but I am making a point to be much more aware of it.

I have signed up for an online coach and meal plan system.  It will help make grocery shopping easier as well as not having to worry about what to make for dinner.  I also got a little bit sucked in and ordered an at home fitness program I can do on my own schedule with out having to drive half an hour to the gym.  I think together these small steps will get me started back in the direction I would like to be heading.

Also the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer is about 90 days away so I'm getting out there as often as possible to do some walking!  :)

Time for some more chopping veggies for the week! :)

3rd Year Walking!!!

 

As you probably already know I have decided to participate in Avon Walk for Breast Cancer for the 3rd time! Last year we raised our team “MMA Team Buoy Tenders”  raised over $7000 towards research, care and hospice for Breast Cancer Patients in New England.  It is so inspiring to see such support from friends and family each year. As in years past I will be sending out updates over the next few months on my training and fund-raising.

This year we are lucky enough to grow our team from 3 to 5 amazing woman.  Each of us have our own connection to Breast Cancer and the Maritime Industry.  Over the next few months we will be training in and around Mass and Maine as well as hosting several fundraisers.

 Our goal is to not only complete the walk but to also raise awareness about this disease. This is such an important cause to me because this year, an estimated 40,000 women will die from the disease. Breast cancer takes another life every 14 minutes. Another woman is diagnosed with breast cancer every 3 minutes. An estimated three million women are living with breast cancer. One million of them don't yet know it.

As part of this amazing event, I pledged to raise a minimum of $1800. People can make donations on my behalf, at the link below.  A donation of any amount makes a huge difference and is one step closer to finding a cure.  With the donations raised, the Avon Foundation will provide support and resources for women affected by this terrible disease. This will help so many people in our own community and throughout the country.  If you go to our team or my personal page there is more information on the local organizations that benefit directly from the Boston walk.

Any amount you can give is great; I just appreciate your support. 

It is faster and easier than ever to support this great cause - you can make a donation online by simply clicking on the link at the bottom of this message or by check.  Whatever you can give will help! I truly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.

Thank you for supporting me always, but especially in this challenge; you really do make a difference.

Alaina 

3x walker!

Click below to visit my personal page.

http://info.avonfoundation.org/goto/alaina

Our Team Page:

http://info.avonfoundation.org/goto/thebuoytenders

Decisions....

Every day a person has to make decisions.  Some little and some that will effect everything you know.  Choices are what shape the people we become.

About 6 months ago I made the decision to quite my job and pursue my Master's Degree in an accelerated master's program at Maine Maritime Academy.   This was not a decision I took lightly.  Leaving my job was difficult to say the least.  I was not happy with where I was going in the company but I truly cared for the people I worked with and loved the company I was involved with.  I had come to an impasse with how a manager was handling my development plan and decided the best thing for me would be to leave and pursue my Master's Degree.

Now the whole thought of going back to school after almost 7 years was terrifying and exciting.  Recalling what it was like in my undergrad, the time to take naps, hang out on the weekends, go to the bar on a Thursday night, how could I go wrong?? I severely underestimated the program I was starting!!  I've found it challenging, frustrating, overwhelming and rewarding all at the same time.  I have some classes I'm still not sure what the point is, while others make me think about things in a way I never would have considered previously.  The professors standards are high and I foolishly agreed to take on some teaching positions while I was here to fill up my time.

Free time is something I have little of.  I have always been the girl who thinks I can do it all... I can't!  I'm realizing this more and more.  These are the everyday choices I am learning to make so that I do not fall behind in my program and can remain competitive for prospective jobs. Making decisions that take into account the limitations I have on my time is something I am trying to make the conscience effort to do over the next 6 months.  I have 7 months left in the Grad Program and based on how quickly the first three have gone I'm going to blink and be done.

My next big decision is going to come in deciding whether I want to remain in the shipping industry to apply my degree or if the time has come to branch out and fine a new industry which I can develop and grow within... but that is another post to follow!  (hopefully sooner than this last one)

Avon Walk for Breast Cancer - Round 2 PUB CRAWL!!

I can not believe that in less than two weeks I will once again be embarking on an amazing journey with thousands of other men and women to raise awareness for Breast Cancer Research and Assistance.

I'm proud to say that because of two other amazing women I wouldn't even know about this amazing cause.  Last year I joined up with @thesailingfoodie and her friend SL to train and fundraise.  They had the drop on me when it came to fundraising by FAR!!  They are women I hope to have in my life forever!!

This year we have managed to meet our goal largely in part to individual donations and a HUGE fundraiser held at the Buzzard's Bay Tavern where the amazing Heather Twiss and Friends band played for us.  There were raffles, 50/50 draws, and lots of fun had by all!  Because of my job I sadly was caught on a ship and could not attend.  They were able to raise over $1700 in that one night!!!

This coming weekend May 7th we are holding our second fundraiser of the season. 

The Buoy Tenders Second Annual PUB CRAWL!!!  Last year was a great success and a ton of fun!  If you are going to be in the Boston area we would LOVE to have you come and join us!  A $35.00 (tax deductable) donation gets you a Buoy Tender's T-Shirt and bracelet which lets you cut the possible line at any of the Bars we plan to attend. 

We really hope that you can join us!  If you would like more information please check out this link -
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=215288355155402

We have less than two weeks before the walk, if you would like to help us out with a donation please click on the below link to go to my fundraising page.  We truely appreciate all of your donations and support while we prepare for another amazing year walking throughout Boston. 
http://info.avonfoundation.org/goto/ alaina

Thanks for reading and we hope to see you this weekend for the Pub Crawl!!

I want my Fairy Tale, but I don’t know how to get there…

It is odd, China was the first time I have really been away since before I was actually married!!  My goodness how much has changed since then!  I can't imagine living in NH still?  Not having the Dog??  There are days where I dream of quitting my job finding something I like to do but doesn’t stress me out and just be a normal person.  Perhaps we could get another dog/cat… really thing about starting a family!  I think it all comes down to deciding what I really really want!!  Does it make sense for my husband and I to both keep working like crazy persons?  We have a lot that we both love and enjoy in what we do, how does a person just decide to stop that??  Is there like a switch?  Haha  and what happens if we never find that “switch” and just keep going the way we are… would that mean we miss out on all the other stuff? 

I don’t know.  I guess I need to figure out what I want, now, and down the road… how will it all come together!?  I know I have the most important part, and that’s my husband.  I wouldn’t be able to do any thing I am with out him!  It is just so hard to figure out all of the rest sometimes.  We keep working so hard to get our house the way we want it, and to build for our future, but what is that future going to be??  I have just been pondering over all of that the last few days!!  Not good or bad, but thinking.  I think I would like to get through this year with all of the dockings and valuable experiences and then I think I would feel like I managed to accomplish something rather than just coming shore side after I had barely sailed at all.  I don’t know, maybe that is what all of this is about for me?  Feeling like I always need to some how prove myself??!!  What is that about?  Haha and how do I turn that off?  Do I want to?  It is so much a part of who I am!  Maybe it is more that we need to position our selves in a way that we are able to do it all, and manage it!!?  It has to be possible!  Look at M and JD!?  They are both professionals living abroad in China with a young daughter and still going to Thailand on vacation and managing to pull it all together!  It is wrong to think that we should be able to do that too??  How do we start?? ;) 

Maybe I should start by making a list.  A list of things I want.  Then go through the list and decide which ones are realistic, achievable, and which may not be able to happen and figure out if I am ok with that or not!

1)      Complete the work in progress on our home before starting/jumping into new projects.

2)      Dig my heels in and really work to gain some credibility with the people that I work with.

3)      Go back to school for my masters degree

4)      Start a family (this one terrifies me, I think I want this, but I’m so afraid of it I can’t help but avoid it)

5)      Spend more time with my family, friends, and loved ones.

6)      Be more physically active and dedicated to my overall health

7)      Become more involved in the community and organizations.

I am very fortunate to live in an amazing area with so many amazing things around me but I have been so caught up in my immediate little world I haven’t been able to take the time to explore all of it.  I want to be able to do that.  I need to break out of my own shell enough to put myself out there even if it makes me feel incredibly insecure and exposed! 

I feel like this big huge puzzle is in front of me… I have all the pieces, amazing husband, beautiful house, great friends and family, an interesting and challenging job, but I don’t have any idea how to put them all together into what I want to feel like I am where I belong.  Or maybe I should say I have all the pieces but one really.  I haven’t started my own family yet.  (Is it pressure I am feeling which is making me so confused or my own fear?  )

That’s the clincher.  How do you know what is the right thing for you at that moment in time? It is an unfortunate fact that I will have to give up at least some aspect of my career to start my family.  Whether it is temporary or permanent, well that is all to be decided.  But for me figuring out at what point it is ok to do that is my biggest hurdle and challenge!  And who knows, after I make that choice maybe I will be so fulfilled with my new world I won’t want to come back.  That scares me a little to!

the strangest things go through your mind when you are away from everyone that you love and care about.  This was written while I was in China but not able to do any posting.  I still very much feel this way but I think I'm starting to get closer to making some decisions... that will be another post though!  :)

Getting Packed... Plane leaves in the morning!

I am supposed to be packing my suitcase for a month long stay in China, but instead I'm trying to cram all the other last minute tasks and chores into the last few hours I have left home:  Going to the post office, cleaning up the house, laundry, internet shopping for Christmas gifts for my family since I'm not going to be home...

Tomorrow I head out on my newest adventure.  I'm heading to China to work with several of the ships my company manages while they are being repaired in a dry dock there.  The plan for me is to jump in with both feet and see as much as possible over the next 6 months.  My time frame is still undetermined but I will definitely be there for at least a month possibly as long as 6 months depending on schedules and timing of the vessels themselves.

I have to admit, I'm a horrible packer.  I avoid it at all costs.  It is not strange for me to pack the morning before I go on any trip.  I would do this when I was packing for a 4 month hitch at sea as well.  I'd make sure I have everything I need, but actually putting it in the bag for me is like pulling teeth.  And then I have to try to figure out what you are supposed to pack for a trip to China.  At least on a ship you have a good idea of the weather conditions - its WARM in the engine room!  :)

I'm trying to put my best foot forward for this whole experience but I'm pretty much shaking like a leaf today.  I'll be fine once I get there, its always just those first few days leading up to your actual departure that are the worst for me!!  Luckily I have some great friends and family who have been cheering me on while I have been getting ready to go and will continue to do so while I'm there.

I'm also incredibly excited!! I have been to China one other time but it was a very short trip to the same shipyard I will be arriving at this week.  This will be my longest exposure to a different country and culture so completely different from my own.  The people I am going to meet, both at the yard and in the city, are going to be so intriguing to me.  Not to mention all of the really cool work I am going to get to take part in each day at the yard it's self.

I am planning to explore and share as much of this experience as I can with all of you.  This time tomorrow I'll be on my way to Shanghai!